Don't talk to me about "glo-fi"
7 April 2010 04:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fridgepunk
I know this may sound a bit weird, but I realised shortly after going on a glo-fi and "mashup" musical binge that the music of the 80s was something of a high point for the musical taste of the human race.
Understand that I don't mean that as a compliment to the music of the 80s: indeed I wept tears of sorrow and terror at the thought, and not your manly single tear of sorrow and terror either, I'm talking about the great heaving kind of "wepting" that makes you occasionally make that weird rhythmic "pig in reverse" noise when you try to breath around the sobbing.
I then fell into a malais of depression for the next 4 days, the only thing preventing me from killing myself being the near catatonic state my body fell into that left me unable to even overdose on prescription medicine. After those 4 days I came out of it with the sincere conviction that suicide was pointless - In a world worse than the 80s the only sensible course of action was to seek out my petty VENGEANCE upon all and sundry.
To this end I used my vast knowledge of human biology to alter my body until every single one of my bodily fluids contained a chemical that is undetectable to modern medical science but which will, when ingested and metabolised by the human digestive system, induce an experience equivalent to the worst symptoms of syphilis, gonorrhea, typhus, malaria, herpes, jaundice and hay fever in the victim all at once.
I work in restaurants alot now.
So remember, when you come home from a night eating out at a fancy restaurant and start to turn the colour of a day-glo jumpsuit and experience the unique sensation of timmy mallet trying to claw his way out of your arsehole as you trot in panic towards the loo, just say hello to Vanilla Iceylase.
Understand that I don't mean that as a compliment to the music of the 80s: indeed I wept tears of sorrow and terror at the thought, and not your manly single tear of sorrow and terror either, I'm talking about the great heaving kind of "wepting" that makes you occasionally make that weird rhythmic "pig in reverse" noise when you try to breath around the sobbing.
I then fell into a malais of depression for the next 4 days, the only thing preventing me from killing myself being the near catatonic state my body fell into that left me unable to even overdose on prescription medicine. After those 4 days I came out of it with the sincere conviction that suicide was pointless - In a world worse than the 80s the only sensible course of action was to seek out my petty VENGEANCE upon all and sundry.
To this end I used my vast knowledge of human biology to alter my body until every single one of my bodily fluids contained a chemical that is undetectable to modern medical science but which will, when ingested and metabolised by the human digestive system, induce an experience equivalent to the worst symptoms of syphilis, gonorrhea, typhus, malaria, herpes, jaundice and hay fever in the victim all at once.
I work in restaurants alot now.
So remember, when you come home from a night eating out at a fancy restaurant and start to turn the colour of a day-glo jumpsuit and experience the unique sensation of timmy mallet trying to claw his way out of your arsehole as you trot in panic towards the loo, just say hello to Vanilla Iceylase.
