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fridgepunkIngredients:
2.33m mixed unemployed
1 large onion (thinly sliced)
1 tbsp. flour
1 arse of lipless pasty upperclassman
2 puckered lips
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tbsp. lemon juice
1/3 indivisible coalition (gently mashed)
£670m university budgets cuts
1 public coffers (drained)
£6b can of vodaphone brand piss
1 fresh duck island
Instructions:
Welding lips to arse of upperclassman, take mixed unemployed and place them into a bowl where you can seperate "undeserving" poor from "deserving" poor using every more convoluted metrics that mark more and more of the "deserving" poor as "undeserving", and keep throwing away the "undeserving" poor until no unemployed are left in bowl. Add flour, salt and lemon juice to empty bowl, and add in 1/3 of an indivisble coalition; using end of rolling pin, proceed to lightly mash until a gloopy white paste that does harm to the downtrodden and enriches the already wealthy is produced.
Then, using the duck island, drain public coffers and, taking the piss, add both into a bowl with university budget cuts, stirring until mix tastes especially sour.
Stir both mixtures into preheated frying pan until a charred and unappetising mess is produced that sets off fire alarms and causes passing birds to fall out of the sky from the smell. Thinly slice onion until tears are produced as you explain how you totally didn't want to make this particular meal, but you felt the meal had to be made anyway precisely because no one wanting the results. Blame things you are currently doing on the past labour government, despite the fact that you're making the labour party's time in office look good by comparison.
Slice onions and cry and snivel as you push women and minorities under passing buses until people stop asking you to explain how anything you just said is supposed to make sense.
2.33m mixed unemployed
1 large onion (thinly sliced)
1 tbsp. flour
1 arse of lipless pasty upperclassman
2 puckered lips
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tbsp. lemon juice
1/3 indivisible coalition (gently mashed)
£670m university budgets cuts
1 public coffers (drained)
£6b can of vodaphone brand piss
1 fresh duck island
Instructions:
Welding lips to arse of upperclassman, take mixed unemployed and place them into a bowl where you can seperate "undeserving" poor from "deserving" poor using every more convoluted metrics that mark more and more of the "deserving" poor as "undeserving", and keep throwing away the "undeserving" poor until no unemployed are left in bowl. Add flour, salt and lemon juice to empty bowl, and add in 1/3 of an indivisble coalition; using end of rolling pin, proceed to lightly mash until a gloopy white paste that does harm to the downtrodden and enriches the already wealthy is produced.
Then, using the duck island, drain public coffers and, taking the piss, add both into a bowl with university budget cuts, stirring until mix tastes especially sour.
Stir both mixtures into preheated frying pan until a charred and unappetising mess is produced that sets off fire alarms and causes passing birds to fall out of the sky from the smell. Thinly slice onion until tears are produced as you explain how you totally didn't want to make this particular meal, but you felt the meal had to be made anyway precisely because no one wanting the results. Blame things you are currently doing on the past labour government, despite the fact that you're making the labour party's time in office look good by comparison.
Slice onions and cry and snivel as you push women and minorities under passing buses until people stop asking you to explain how anything you just said is supposed to make sense.
